Writing is much like any other time demanding occupation. We need time to craft our work and sometimes with non-traditional jobs like that it can be hard for the people in our lives to give us the space that we require for our work. People who are on on the outside looking in really struggle to relate to what it's like for those of us who write. Instead of seeing it as a developing career they see us as pursuing a hobby. They get confused and feel unappreciated when we prefer to work on our craft rather than spend time with them.
Perception is key to this. We, as writers, (or anyone in a non-traditional job struggling to balance work and family/friends) need to communicate and demonstrate to those around us how important and how seriously we take our writing. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but we need to learn how to communicate that significance. Be direct, explain it to them by relating it to their job or their passion. Let them know that they are every bit appreciated but you really do consider this a job. Tell them that writing makes you feel complete and it makes life a bit more worthwhile for you.
We can also invite friends or family to observe us for a day (this personally makes me really uncomfortable as I hate being watched while I work.) After experiencing a day in our shoes they may be a bit more understanding of exactly how constricting our schedule can be.
On the flip side of this we need to NOT try to please everyone. It isn't a crime to take time for ourselves to write.
With my first novel I constantly felt like I was ignoring my family. To some extent I still experience the guilt but, after my first book was published, my wife seems pretty supportive. Sometimes tangible goals are what it takes for the people in our lives to become supportive.
Many of my friends still aren't on board and think that I'm simply an aloof jerk who thinks he is better than them. It bothered me for a long time. I tried to go out of my way to spend more time with them but my family and writing life also suffered. No matter what I did I couldn't please everyone. Explaining to some of them what I was working on didn't work. In fact, it garnered a few eye rolls. So, I had to cut that guilt cord loose. I still love my friends but I have to take care of myself. It shouldn't be on us, as writers, to cater to everyone in our lives at the sacrifice of our own sanity.
This issue crops up for a lot of us this time of year.
Absolutely, don't feel bad for sitting out a gathering to recover your mental health. I am going to do just that next weekend. My wife's family will be hosting a Christmas gathering. It will be the 4th for our family. I can handle 3, but that's my limit. So, rather than being crammed in a small house with 25 bickering adults and half dozen screaming children I am going to stay home and write. My wife is understanding, not sure her family is but it is what I have to do to maintain my mental health. I am an introvert by nature and that kind of environment is destructive enough on its own -- being the holidays after so many celebrations already makes it that much worse for me.
Don't think for a moment that the people who love you want you to suffer to make them or anyone happy. The hardest thing for many of us to do is let go and learn to love ourselves as much as we love pleasing the people around us. You are just as important as anyone else. Take the time to heal yourself, especially this time of year.
Happy Holidays, and please give yourself the present of mental health.
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