The New Normal

I can't believe that we are settling in to our new routine. Either the human mind is incredibly adaptive or we have all simply accepted our insanity. Here in Michigan we have been under a stay at home order since the middle of March -- nearing the six week mark. It just got extended until May 15th. Personally, while I understand it and endorse it I would be utterly mad if it wasn't affecting me. My family goes through strange days where things feel normal for a while and then someone will end up breaking down. Early on I was handling it poorly. I think I've mostly settled into an at least even-keeled attitude over the past few weeks.

My writing is still a victim in all of this. I tend to write every other day. Sometimes the inspiration just isn't there and I can't force it. Yesterday I sat down to write but there was too much else going on around here and I only got about 400 words out, and most of those will need to be re-written. I'm around 22,000 words into the 2nd draft of Maestra.

It is going to be good, once done. I will be happy to set it free unto the world. After that, I will be glad to be done with this fantasy/horror universe that I created for a while. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with these first two novels and I think readers will be surprised at the twisting linkage between the two. Maestra isn't so much a sequel as simply taking place in the same universe and utilizing some of the same characters to bring closure to their arcs. Writing this story has wrenched my heart and I have a lot of negative emotions from my experience of the world around me while writing Maestra. Again, the work is good. It's fresh, original, and a bit epic in scope compared to The Morbid Fascinations of David Bennett -- but everything going on around me has soured me on the pure horror genre for the time being.

I have no doubt that I will return to writing horror in a year or two. I have several stories outlined and ready to go.

My next project will be science fiction. It will be bleak, dark (quite literally,) and actually include a bit of hope -- which my horror writing lacks. Basically, writing so much darkness while going through such a dark time in the history of human-kind, isn't good for my mental health. When the sun comes out from behind the corona (pun intended,) and I can once more interact with friends without a screen between us, I will return to writing horror.

So, with any luck, draft two of Maestra will wrap by the end of June at the pace that I am working on. I am planning to take my time with edits and any additional re-writes. So if it is out by September or October I will be happy. Maybe next year there will even be some book signings in my future.

Hope everyone is staying safe and keeping their loved ones as near as possible. Take care.

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Living Through This

It's been more weeks than I can count since anything seemed normal. A few weeks ago I wrote a post about dealing with the depression that comes along with living under a stay at home order. I understand it, I support it, but it is rough. It hasn't felt any more normal as time passes, either.

I hit a point where I couldn't come back after I finished the first draft of Maestra. I took less than two weeks off, but when I sat down to write again it was emotionless. My writing voice was gone. It wasn't because my talent had suddenly slipped away in the middle of the night. It was because my heart wasn't into it. My heart wasn't into anything any longer. I couldn't settle in to work on anything. All I kept doing was checking the news to see if anything was real.

I forced myself to write in small chunks, and eventually I rebounded to being back into my story. Some days still suck, and more than once I have had to walk away from the draft for a couple of days. I'm never going to forget the struggle I am having with getting this story formed and typed out. I'm a very linear writer, going from A to B in the most direct path. Taking breaks, for my own mental health, only makes me feel worse. I feel like I am getting behind on some made up schedule that never existed in the first place.

Breathe.

It's going to be okay.

Most likely...as long as I stay away from people and remember my mask when I'm in public.

Breathe again.

Each day is its own little universe right now.

If you are reading this and feeling broken or defeated, know that you aren't alone. This isn't coming from some Hollywood star sitting in a mansion. This is coming from a very sympathetic writer seated at a folding craft table where he spends most of his time either writing or on art projects to pass the endless days until society resumes.

We will get there. We have to believe that.

Take care of yourself and I'll see you all when the sun comes out from behind the clouds.